little changes.
june '26 — noticings and thoughts
06.01
first time it started raining this hard again, and it woke me up at 4AM. My apartment doesn’t have an AC, so the thunderstorm breeze was a welcome respite.
reading an article on how Senator Risa Hontiveros is impossible at 5AM, reflecting on how she could’ve gone into theater with stars like Lea Salonga, but choosing the route she felt she would be able to help this country. everybody has dreams, but destiny is what you make for yourself.
our CFO cooked us arroz caldo with beef tendon and this…. legume that tasted like castañas (it was from South America and I cannot, for the life of me, remember the name of it). i put a ton of garlic chips in mine just because i love garlic.
06.02
our very health-conscious CEO bought us chips for the office, then she asked jokingly if we (me and my only other co-worker—yes just two of us in the office plus our CEO and CFO.) had already finished the 7 bags of chips they bought. to which i jokingly messaged back a Chips Update picture on our Whatsapp. (We actually ate the mango pie instead)
my sister brought home some seafood hotpot take-out, because she couldn’t eat it because of her shrimp allergies.
06.03
thinking of every insult i ever got as a kid, that seem silly now
being called bruha/bruja (filipino/spanish for witch, connotations of being ugly, misbehaved or evil) —> wait, lol, i actually do witchy practices (tarot, dabbling in astrology, some cleansing rituals here and there)
also connotations of having messy / thick hair. jokes on them, i get so many compliments on my thick hair when i wore it long, and even now, when i had cut it short.
being teased that i look like an egg back in Kindergarten (got called Meg Egg by some boys :p) —> wait, but i love my girlfriend’s round face—we are both Round GFs, soft and full of love.
Wild Geese podcast (I forgot which episode awman.): the act of loving something should be generative. it should add something to who you are and lead you to a new understanding of all the parts that are already there.
06.04
Ryv (my wonderful gf) got accepted as a merchant in a sapphic art market. not a surprise to me, because i already knew it was going to happen. since there’s a “best dressed” category for lesbians in ties, i decided to crochet a moss tie for him as well <3
finding out there’s such a thing as faux fur yarn
thinking of moss tie logistics + attempting to make my own pattern
06.05
crazy morning commute. almost got hit by a piece of metal / wrench thrown by two guys fighting. then the train was packed full even if it wasn’t rush hour. then i got caught in the rain while walking to work.
wrote poetry after work. then walked to the bank, and to get smashed burger sliders for pre-dinner.
first time trying this oyster place with friends, and had discovered a hidden bar in the same building. had a silly pink drink inspired by a childhood frozen dessert (iskrambol / ice scramble)
late night mall parking lot shenanigans, because one friend’s car window wouldn’t close up beyond one inch every few minutes. blasting club music in the dark while the security guards looked at us waringly. eventually we told them about the dilemma and they helped in getting the window closed up, so we could finally go get some post-drink Mcdo burgers and fries.
a perfect day, ngl. despite almost getting hit by a wrench.
06.06
had an aerocano strawberry at CommonRoomPH at Atrium Makati. crocheted while Ryv and i talked art market booth set-up and logistics.
saw some grumpy cats! and fallen flowers from a fire tree at the park.
06.07
faucet broke, thankfully our apartment building had maintenance staff who live here, so i could ask for help even if it was on a sunday.
being judged by the plumber for buying a more expensive faucet replacement (a metal one, instead of a plastic one)… which i get it, because this is only a rental, but we don’t have plans of moving until my sister graduates college, and i didn’t want a repeat faucet mishap, ok?
06.08
on the train to work:
girl and a tote bag with wrestler masked cats. rainbow shoelaces.
the woman beside me on the train is wearing the same shade of light wash jeans
read about heliotropism of the sunflower due to its auxin hormones. imagining tiny vampires in the stems of the sunflower that skitter away and start building walls to shield themselves from the light, which make one side of the stem longer, making the sunflower “bend” towards the sun, ironically.
06.09
girl opposite of me on the train also the same eye mole as me (on the left eyelid). she had a black headband and wavy brown hair, and was putting mascara on the train.
an MRT station guard almost telling off a tomboy who he thought was a guy in the female carriage of the train. just cut himself off, smiled and waved them off.
this year is about me reverting back to the first version of myself before i felt shame.
reminding myself: i GET to pay my own bills. i GET to commute alone. i GET to cook my own meals and try out new recipes. this independence was what my teenage self yearned for, for so long. i have more freedom now to be myself and do what i want.
Wild Geese podcast (I forgot which episode AGAIN.): taking a bite out of every fig every day
06.10
kid aged 5 or 6 reading the train reminders out loud to his tired mother
06.11
on the train going to work,
monk looking guy, red chinese collar button up with koi fish art. jade and other stone bead bracelets and a clear beaded long necklace with a purple tassel. he has a goatee and a tamago sushi keychain. his eyebrows look like they can wave at you. umbrella held in front of him like a bastion, while he napped on the train.
the train conductor/driver waving at the tayuman station guard, honking beeps in a rhythm when approaching a station and beeping at other passing trains, as if in greeting to the other train drivers
another regular on the 9:35 MRT3. recognizing their septum piercing and loves keychains from when i’ve seen them three times before. shiny star knuckle tattoos. we get off on the same ortigas stop.
thinking of how love can lead to the point of invention
on the train home,
a diva with glitter crocs. cat eye glasses, like a middle-aged cubao expo girly
cute bebe with red cat ear beanie. grasping at his mom’s apple green umbrella and chewing on his beanie
Fabella nurse holding paper reviewer, has ECG readings on it. fell asleep on the train. almost missed her stop, but woke up in time (i was going to wake her up if she hadn’t. we get down on the same stop.)
06.15
Black girl with round halo afro. white halter top and white polish nails. looks like she would use a flip phone. i didn’t see her shoes, but i imagine them to be white platform go-go boots—she feels straight out of a Totally Spies episode.
06.16
seventies woman w gray, short hair. wooden pamaypay. pastel colorful striped shirt. silver watch. mesh bag with golf pun pins (one shot at a time) and pins of a cat i assume is hers (gray and black striped cat with a collar staring straight ahead). water bottle in a small bag with handles. leather sandals (sand colored). cat eye glasses.
thinking of how i am moving past the ingrained self hatred (you hate your art because you made it.)
06.17
girl with a blue crysanthemum tattoo on forearm
the moon is a grin in the sky
clouds embossed on the horizon
red marble rolling down the train floor as it stops at tayuman
06.18
tall kalachuchi tree near guadalupe station (above a billboard that says “no to divorce” — to which i say. fuck that! everyone should have the choice. it’s crazy how the philippines is the only other country where divorce is illegal aside from the freaking VATICAN)
learning a new jeepney route going to pobla in makati.
Debut sapphic open stage and mini art market: someone did spoken poetry, titled, the little mermaid is a dyke. a quote from it: a poem is never finished, you just write a new version everytime
i’m happy there are sapphic spaces now. we deserve more spaces where we can fully be ourselves without fear.
06.19
it's silent during rush hour. who would want to talk in space with no room to think
boss treated us to bingsu and korean corndogs after work. just because.
06.20
got my hair cut at a queer barbershop’s pop-up at QueerCon in Trinoma
thought about all the salons i’ve been to as a kid and as a teenager, where they would straight up refuse to cut my hair “too short” because it wouldn’t look “lady-like” or because they think my hair would frizz up too much.
got three separate encounters of people coming up to me and my barber—while i was still getting my hair cut!— just to ask what was the name of haircut i was getting, or whether they could also get their hair cut the same way
06.22
plants in plastic gallon bottles under sidewalk trees whose roots are paved over with concrete.
06.23
mid40s lady with long brown hair and and Aeropostale mustard yellow top. denim flare pants, sewn with pearls on the seam and rhinestones from mid-thigh to ankle
curelean blue tote bag with suede appliques: bull dog with an orange in his mouth, and a yellow name tag Iggy
woman with shirt that reads, every puppy is a angel. doodles of dogs all around
06.24
kid inside the elevator on a tiny squat scooter. saying "ayabyu (i love you) ate" and the ate (older sister in Tagalog) shushing her.
getting so many compliments on my hair: random couple on a motorcycle, construction workers in our building
06.25
girl in all black, with four piercings on her left ear. voyager backpack and chelsea boots.
someone with a cherry tumbler and slot machine keychain. button pin that read: giatay naunsa na gud ta ani (in cebuano: kumusta na tayo?)
06.27
ipad kid with navy blue ribbons in her hair and pink ribbons on her pants beside her mom who was falling asleep on the train
06.30
its raining and the gray and white striped neighborhood cat is gone. i peeked into her "owner's" shop to see if she was lounging inside, but there was nothing but a sea of flower hair claws and plastic rat toys on the floor. i hope nothing happened to her.
someone dressed in an adult casual version of dora the explorer. orange pants, a pink shirt and a purple faux leather handbag.